sorry for the delay but this is going to be a long post. i'm still struggling with where to start so i'm just going to start and we can figure it out later.
i suppose that the very first thing i really had to figure out was that i came to the understanding that my life with all that i had was not complete. that was really hard for me. i knew something was wrong but i never really got much further than that. i was really suffering though. there was a time in mu life when i woke up crying every day. i had just started my studio i had someone in my life that loved me i even had a puppy so there were some clues that things were definitely not allright. i have certainly come a long way since then but it wasn't without effort.
i had to forget everything i thought i knew. i still love that saying because it is so true. i have a friend here who is scary intelligent, i mean a photographic memory and everything but at the same time he is constantly frustrated and really has no idea of serenity. of course he denies it (wouldn't we all), but man he never shows it. he always always know why the things that happen to him happen to him. we all believe our own bullshit but he takes it to extremes. the point is that when we think we know something we are generally closed to other possibilities. this can really be an exercise in humility but it's true that you can't really explore other options when in the deepest place of you you think you know better.
forgetting everything you think you know is really difficult for intelligent people. only an intelligent person can be an egomaniac with an insecurity problem may be the process can be better described as letting your believe system become less ridged and more fluid. when we know how the world is, we really only know our perspective of the world and our perspective is small, it's formed by our conditioning how we view and react to events in our lives.
i did come to a place in my life where i needed a good reformatting and maybe an upgrade to my operating system. i went down kicking and scratching. i don't know why letting go of my ideas of the world, core beliefs, all of it had to go. i was told that it would be easy to relearn the stuff that actually served me. and they were right
you know that that is what many of us have to do, reformat our understanding of ourselves. we have to find the capacity to be truely honest with ourselves and ask ourselves the difficult questions. are we happy with our reactions to the things around us. do we have habits we don't like. are you content, are you happy.
do you think that we were created to be miserable? are we supposed to have dreams that we couldn't reach? no we were designed to be happy. i don't know any body that would have children knowing that their lives would be miserable. our creator our the source of our being wouldn't do it either. i really think that somewhere along the line most of us forgot how. that's the thing about knowledge, if you don't know you simply don't know. in my life my mother was young and simply didn't have the knowledge or experience to pass on to me. i had to learn it a different way but it all started with forgetting what i thought i knew. knowing i came to the understanding that my life with all that i had was not complete.
hindsight can really be a humbling experience at least it was for me but hey the crying stopped.
bye for now
Monday, November 15, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
where to start, where to start
where to start. worrying about that too much can actually keep me from starting. i suppose by trying to examine the mechanics of how that works is a good place to start. that was even hard for me to follow.
anyways, by trying to answer that question i have found a great place to start. when i am worrying about where to start i am really worrying about how what i'm doing will appear to everyone else. of course i will deny it if ever asked and i even try to deny it myself in my own head even though it is probably very close to the truth. but what i am really trying to get at is that a good starting place is to try and distance my self from my personality.
this idea might seem crazy to some especially to those who strongly identify with there exterior selves. have you ever said to yourself "i hate when i do that"? i'm sure almost everyone has said something similar to themselves one time or another. when you think about that statement there are two entities referred to. there is the hater and the second person or entity that does the thing that the first person or entity hates.
kind of like me, myself and i. seriously though i for the greater part of my life identified with my personality and now i can step back from myself and watch my personality from a distance kind of like a film. i really make my self laugh. for the most part the things that motivate my personality are quite childish or the result of conditioning. i have gotten a new perspective on conditioning since i moved to france. for the most part we don't know to the extent that our conditioning from our society controls us. but that is another subject that i want to explore later.
back to those two people that live in each of us, there is in all of us something reasonably wise and stable regardless of how old we are. it exists in all of us and is just as strong in children as it is in adults. it is the piece of us that always knows right from wrong, the piece that re-remembers universal truths when heard or found in books. our personality or what i call our personality is all the other stuff. its the part that has to have those green shoes. the part that has to look good in front of others. you know what i mean. i suppose the real idea of "raising my consciousness" or "working on myself" or "spirituality" (i really hate all those terms and will seriously search for something better) is simply learning to listen to that inner piece of us and let that be our guide in everyday life. and in turn through that piece of us consciously make a connection with our source letting that resulting relationship guide our lives. It may sound bigger than it really is. its almost like learning a new language, it just sorta happens when you're not looking. that's not to sat that it isn't a lot of effort. most people (most people, i don't know most people) will have to reconstruct their core belief system and more importantly profoundly change how they think of and view themselves.
fortunately for us there are certain ideas and steps we can follow to start this process. i was when i was younger blessed with the courage to enter as twelve step program where i was introduced to many new ideas and perspectives on how to view my experiences in life. actually that was just the start of a great quest for "spirituality" for me. i can't say that i ever found spirituality though. i found better stuff. I found out how to be content. i found tolerance, calmness and hope, even more importantly i found dare i say it serenity. i don't alway have it but it sticks around longer and longer. so if a stubborn know it all (didn't you know that i'm mister intelligent) like myself can do it so can any one. what worked for me will not work for you. well not exactly because you are you and the next guy is different and so on and so on. but the good news is that 90% will help enormously and you will have to work out that other 10% yourself.
we will get into nuts and bolts of things in the next installment.
remember : life is fluid
robert
anyways, by trying to answer that question i have found a great place to start. when i am worrying about where to start i am really worrying about how what i'm doing will appear to everyone else. of course i will deny it if ever asked and i even try to deny it myself in my own head even though it is probably very close to the truth. but what i am really trying to get at is that a good starting place is to try and distance my self from my personality.
this idea might seem crazy to some especially to those who strongly identify with there exterior selves. have you ever said to yourself "i hate when i do that"? i'm sure almost everyone has said something similar to themselves one time or another. when you think about that statement there are two entities referred to. there is the hater and the second person or entity that does the thing that the first person or entity hates.
kind of like me, myself and i. seriously though i for the greater part of my life identified with my personality and now i can step back from myself and watch my personality from a distance kind of like a film. i really make my self laugh. for the most part the things that motivate my personality are quite childish or the result of conditioning. i have gotten a new perspective on conditioning since i moved to france. for the most part we don't know to the extent that our conditioning from our society controls us. but that is another subject that i want to explore later.
back to those two people that live in each of us, there is in all of us something reasonably wise and stable regardless of how old we are. it exists in all of us and is just as strong in children as it is in adults. it is the piece of us that always knows right from wrong, the piece that re-remembers universal truths when heard or found in books. our personality or what i call our personality is all the other stuff. its the part that has to have those green shoes. the part that has to look good in front of others. you know what i mean. i suppose the real idea of "raising my consciousness" or "working on myself" or "spirituality" (i really hate all those terms and will seriously search for something better) is simply learning to listen to that inner piece of us and let that be our guide in everyday life. and in turn through that piece of us consciously make a connection with our source letting that resulting relationship guide our lives. It may sound bigger than it really is. its almost like learning a new language, it just sorta happens when you're not looking. that's not to sat that it isn't a lot of effort. most people (most people, i don't know most people) will have to reconstruct their core belief system and more importantly profoundly change how they think of and view themselves.
fortunately for us there are certain ideas and steps we can follow to start this process. i was when i was younger blessed with the courage to enter as twelve step program where i was introduced to many new ideas and perspectives on how to view my experiences in life. actually that was just the start of a great quest for "spirituality" for me. i can't say that i ever found spirituality though. i found better stuff. I found out how to be content. i found tolerance, calmness and hope, even more importantly i found dare i say it serenity. i don't alway have it but it sticks around longer and longer. so if a stubborn know it all (didn't you know that i'm mister intelligent) like myself can do it so can any one. what worked for me will not work for you. well not exactly because you are you and the next guy is different and so on and so on. but the good news is that 90% will help enormously and you will have to work out that other 10% yourself.
we will get into nuts and bolts of things in the next installment.
remember : life is fluid
robert
Sunday, November 7, 2010
welcome to the kingdom of robert home of the average man
This is my first blog. i really don,t have any idea about blogs so i hope you will excuse my mistakes. If someone knows more about this and is willing to help by all means help. i am living in paris france 01 78 16 74 24.
i am getting ahead of myself now. the story of how i came to france is an interesting story and i am sure that i will get into that in time.
I am creating this blog to keep myself sane. i am a stranger in a strange land.
When i was still living in Vancouver i had started a life changing journey that started in AA. That was a springboard for me that started my journey change the way i view myself and my place in the world. Over many years I made radical changes in my life including my core belief system and who i decided to surround myself with.
i ended up being part of a group of people searching for the same thing. We were all at different levels and by working together we all advanced towards our goal.
when i decided to leave vancouver i was sure that i had a solid foundation with which to build upon and continue my journey alone.
After 4 years here (in france) i feel all that i attained is slipping away from me.
i was armed with my books and inner guidance and was sure all would be well.
Well that is where this new blog comes in, i fell flat on my face so to speak. i feel that i have been in a spiritual vacuum. I CAN’T DO IT ALONE.
i have made and lost friends here but the one thing that they all admire in me is my courage to go forward despite all my setbacks . more than a few have asked me to write a book describing the philosophies i try to live by.
i have actually started a book it seems to be going slowly with all the other things i have on the go. this blog is an extension of that drive i have to share what i have an to move forward with new information and ideas that we find together.
At the onset i want to say that i am an average man. i make mistakes with friends and loved ones, i drank my 20’s and smoked a lot of my 30’s. i am simply hoping to create a new network similar to the one i left behind.
I do have something wonderful in me that can help others but also needs sustenance to keep growing.
what you pass to me i pass to others and what i pass to you you pass to others
I know that i can’t change the world but i can change one person’s world and so can you.
lets see where this goes.
Namesté
i am getting ahead of myself now. the story of how i came to france is an interesting story and i am sure that i will get into that in time.
I am creating this blog to keep myself sane. i am a stranger in a strange land.
When i was still living in Vancouver i had started a life changing journey that started in AA. That was a springboard for me that started my journey change the way i view myself and my place in the world. Over many years I made radical changes in my life including my core belief system and who i decided to surround myself with.
i ended up being part of a group of people searching for the same thing. We were all at different levels and by working together we all advanced towards our goal.
when i decided to leave vancouver i was sure that i had a solid foundation with which to build upon and continue my journey alone.
After 4 years here (in france) i feel all that i attained is slipping away from me.
i was armed with my books and inner guidance and was sure all would be well.
Well that is where this new blog comes in, i fell flat on my face so to speak. i feel that i have been in a spiritual vacuum. I CAN’T DO IT ALONE.
i have made and lost friends here but the one thing that they all admire in me is my courage to go forward despite all my setbacks . more than a few have asked me to write a book describing the philosophies i try to live by.
i have actually started a book it seems to be going slowly with all the other things i have on the go. this blog is an extension of that drive i have to share what i have an to move forward with new information and ideas that we find together.
At the onset i want to say that i am an average man. i make mistakes with friends and loved ones, i drank my 20’s and smoked a lot of my 30’s. i am simply hoping to create a new network similar to the one i left behind.
I do have something wonderful in me that can help others but also needs sustenance to keep growing.
what you pass to me i pass to others and what i pass to you you pass to others
I know that i can’t change the world but i can change one person’s world and so can you.
lets see where this goes.
Namesté
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